A new show to be marketed in eleven states next month is Midget Snake Handlers Take Hollywood. A pilot supposedly featuring a clan of convicted mini televangelists was reported to have been completed, but we’ve recently learned that no such show exists, and Direct TV is merely experimenting with one of their unused channels. “It’s to be a show where you never actually get to the content, due to endless commercials and previews,” reports Not Entertainment News. “All style and no substance has long been their theme, but this is that philosophy on steroids.” In other news, the IRS is getting desperate. With Republicans and the upper 1% like Romney refusing to part with one nickel more than they have to (ie. “from my cold, dead hands!”), and with Congress strategically deadlocked and constipated due to banking lobbyists clogging Congressional bathrooms, the IRS is being forced to act on its own. The following will be the new procedures for an audit:
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1) You are sent a formal letter and asked either to answer
additional questions or to supply additional documentation.
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2) You are asked to “come on down” to your local IRS office,
where you are strapped to a Delco battery and jolted for
two hours by ESPN and Direct TV until you agree to pay
certain “cable penalties.”
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3) Your kids are held hostage in an underground bunker or
salt mine until all payments and penalties are paid in full.
(While there, they are taught valuable lessons in banking,
conformity, and the historical relevance of the KGB.)
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4) All your property (real or imagined) is seized and sold
at auction to a bunch of yard sale junkies. If you have
already paid your full tax bill prior to the auction, after
it’s over you are given half of the proceeds from the
auction.
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5) You are forbidden ever to own taxable property again,
and will not be eligible to have an imprinted number placed
on your hand after the election permitting you to such
purchases. (This number is 28 digits, preceded by
the number 666)
Midget Snake Handlers Take Hollywood
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