Stephen Hawking Doesn’t Understand Women

The Coke CarHe usually tries to understand the deepest mysteries of the cosmos.  The really big questions.  But now it has been reported that the physicist is stumped by the biggest riddle of all: women.  Hawking says, “They are the greatest mystery of all.”  Does this mean he’s working on a formula to understand them, beyond the cliche roses, chocolates, and a new home with a white picket fence?  If so, perhaps the answer will come soon after a quantum theory of gravity is established to explain both the attractive and repulsive forces at work in the statement “You can’t live with them, you can’t live without them.” 

Of course Hawking is being facetious, but while he’s at it, maybe he should work on a formula to understand men, too.  Like why men are fixated on sports scores–which they would want to know prior to knowing about anything else, including election results, Iran’s missile testing results, or the red-lined China Syndrome status of the nuclear power plant up the street.  Of course nuclear energy has turned out not to be as dangerous as oil addiction, despite the movie.  (If you add to global warming the consequence of wars.)  But the truth is, if anyone is unwilling to be an individual, or to think for himself or herself (instead of getting opinions from TV news sound bites and Entertainment Tonight), they are really not difficult to understand at all.  All you need to do is to track their demographic, like the ad agencies do.  Once a subject’s prejudices are analyzed by establishing their ethnicity, social status, and education, it is easy to target them with personalized propaganda. . . or rather with familiar things they want to hear (pop goes the weasel.)  That way you can control them with a feedback loop of social memes which can be injected like a virus.


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