Young people make fun of old people when they’re not ignoring them, but that’s okay because old folks make fun of forgetting them when they’re not remembering being them. The good thing about being senile is that you can hide your own Easter eggs, but the hard part is trying to figure out why the April calendar brings to mind Colonel Sanders. When you reach 100 you no longer have to worry about peer pressure, but then those cranky old farts in their 90s can really give you hell. Did you know the average cost for a nursing home room is $200 per day, while a cruise ship room only costs $135 per day? That leaves $65 for Viagra therapy and after dinner mint julep.
Being middle aged, of course, is like being between a rocker and a card face. Both play us for a joker. But who are we fooling? We all start out with the mind of a child, and it comes full circle. We all enter with nothing, leave with nothing. So why is it that in between everyone is in denial? One wrinkle, and it’s off for Botox, a face lift, a tummy tuck, or a surgical Hoover vacuum cleaner with tornado action. Now if only there were a pill to take to stop all this nonsense! (Actually, they’re working on that. It’s called gene manipulation, genetic engineering. I got the heads up on it from Dr. Cynthia Kenyon’s research, along with advice from a Pfizer pharmaceutical scientist on the plausibility of my plot relative to what may emerge in the next decade or so. That hardcover novel is now on audio with a new title.)